pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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