My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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