Umm I'm too high to move.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
