I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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