I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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