just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
