be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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