i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize