Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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