my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
