i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
