i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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