it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
