i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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