I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
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