wat bout pragnant strippers??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
