Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
