You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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