it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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