Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
