I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
