God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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