i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
