I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
