Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
