Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
