how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I sprained my soul last night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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