I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
