I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
