I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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