your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
