Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
