yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
