question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
