I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
