i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
