Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
