hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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