Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
