Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I checked into jail on foursquare
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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