I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize