whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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