Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
