i jhust puked up my retainher.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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