can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
