dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
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Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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