she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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