I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
