He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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