ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
