I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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