Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
