I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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