Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
