I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
