i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
