so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
