you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
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i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
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So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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