Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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