I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
