you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
