help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
