All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Randomize
