we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
