You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
