Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
