everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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