i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
