Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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