I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
