sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
