I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I would ride that face into the sunset
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
