***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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