This gyro tastes like lonliness
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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